so difficult to understand

Do you know what I'm thinking about?

Can you feel me ?
You think you know me well...
But I really do not know myself !

Requiem for life.

Some people won't hear anything.
Their eyes and ears are closed.

They are shadows in the crowd
That don't notice others.
They don't understand
That it's hard for me!

I'm bored to jump higher than my head!
I'm happy that I'm alive, but it's easier to be dead!!!

No emotions...
The shout shrunk in my throat.
There are no tears. The eyes are dry...

The people are breaking my illusions.

They close their ears to hear silence.
They screw up their eyes to see darkness.
They don't understand that I'm still alive!
It's hard to speak when nobody is listening.

Why do I ask for help, if I know
That everyone spits on my problems!?!

The sea of desires and possibilities is around me,
But it is indifferent too !!!

It's hard for me.
It's hard to be alive.
So difficult...
Too difficult to decide on action.

freedom

Where is my freedom???

I live with some thoughts that can not leave me alone.
The secret voice, so deep inside me, is singing a song of sorrow, and only sometimes, when it's silent around, I can hear this melody and sad lyrics...

Why do not I allow this voice to sing louder ?

I know that this voice knows the truth, but I am afraid that someone would hear it... would hear and change me.
My life is someone's template! I live a life that is not mine at all ! I do the things that, probably, would be better for my future...

But who knows what is better ???

I always act like my family or society wants, but I never do anything that could make me feel free! I am in a prison of public mind... I am not free...

!!!Paradox!!!

...I am afraid of getting freedom...

My eye

Colourful life...

My strawberry

That is how I felt myself on parties :D

My Avatar

My job is to create, to inspire, to do art !
So, here is my last thing - AVATAR.
I was doing it a little less than 4 hours.
Here is the original and my version of ''my avatar'' :))
[seleniumsun studio - creative photo production]

RAMMSTEIN

I can't believe that it was!!!
I was in a first row, fan zone on rammstein show! It was fantastic! The best day of my life! REALLY! After it happen, I am the happiest person on this planet! :))))))

I have met there one guy, called "Finger" (from RAMMSTEIN SECURITY SERVICE), so he gave me his card and asked if i want to stay with a band after show! Of course I stayed! :D
There were about 10 girls (but on the show there were about 10 000 people). In the room was playing music of 80's and on the table were drinks (vine, beer, vodka..). One guy said "girls, drink, do not be shy"... - on this moment I was so scared of suspense!

After 10 minutes Richard came to us. He was so gentle, shaking hands of each girl. We were talking some minutes, took signature, and he gone somewhere.
Further came Till ! OMG, I felt myself so stupidly when I kissed his cheek and said that I love them all... He was smiling, and for me it was best payment ever! We took signature (of course), took some pictures and he gone away as Richard...

We were alone (excluding security), only music of 80's and drinks.... After some minutes more, there came one of the sexiest member of this band - Oliver!!! We did the same actions with him, but, thanks God, he stayed for a long :)) We were dancing... :)) Oh, wouldn't forget this moment. And.... There we met their manager. The guy that always is near them. He was so nice, talking with me and my skin head friend (Ya, girls could be skin head too).

By the way, we were there only until 2 AM. But after this party, i really feel love inside, 'cause before it i was not feeling myself alive !

Thank you, my favourite band!!!

Blond, blue eyed guy

Midnight. Dream. Silence. Blond, blue eyed, tall, smart, intelligent, handsome...
I already know that he is not mine. He has got a girlfriend... of course he could not be single, he is too nice to be single! I like him very much, so I hope we would become at least friends... I understand that I do not need more. Just to talk with such lovely guy that can prove my mood, from earth till heaven.
Morning. Cloudy. Loneliness.