exam session

Two months of stress and worries.

Till now two assignments and 5 exams left.

Wish me luck!

Choice

Gosh...

Every moment you need to choose what to do next. It is like standing on the crossroad and think where to turn, which road to choose and what would be there, after some meters...

Choosing a road, you still have a choice to go far or just a little. To turn on the next cross or to move forward. To go alone or with somebody.

What would meet you there, nobody knows. The road you chose can be straight, cleaned, with nice colourful flowers by sides... or it can be complicated, dirty, and even dangerous.

In the moment of making a choice you see only a step further, but you never know what would after.

I see my path now. Yes, it is just a path. The roads are scaring me so far. My path is quite thin and bright, but I do not see future, I do not know how far I can go... 

Who should give advices? Who should lead me there?

Nobody! It is my own choice and my own responsibility, even if I afraid to death!

There is just one comment to all this - never stop or turn back, just go forward!

As Winston Churchill said "If you are going through hell, keep going."

I keep going... Wish me luck!

what the hell we live for?

What is the meaning of Life? What do we live for, spending every second on something that has nothing to do with the meaning of life… We wake up, clean teeth, cook and then eat breakfast, go to studies or work, come back bored-tired-angry, eat dinner, argue with our relatives or beloved, and then sleep – sleep… to wake up for repeating the circle of “life”. But is it really LIFE??? Is it everything what we mean by life?

Maybe life is something abstract, and every person has own meaning of life. For example, driver has to drive, seller to sell, singer to sing… or it must be something concrete, precise…like to plant a tree, to build a house and to have a child – but still, your tree can be cut, your house can be burned, your child can also die… what then? You lose the reason to live then?

Another meaning of life can be main life – live the way you do, and that is the point. Live for life, lift your legs and let the stream of life-river bring you somewhere, where only God knows… Or is it better to “fight” with a stream, to create a new way for the future?

Some people believe that the reason of our life is God. He created us. He gave us a soul to live, heart to feel, brain to think and understand. But what for? Maybe, he made us to love him? But is there any benefit for him, if we just love him? I bet only he knows the answers on all questions.

Anyway, it would be always the biggest mind-breaker with a question mark – what is the meaning of Life?

P.S.

Please, comment it here or via e-mail: youleeyaa@gmail.com

Post №100 !

This post is dedicated to my mother.

Umbilical cord is something that connected us physical when I was inside you... after you gave me birth, something really strong continued our great link to each other. You feel me so real, like I am a part of your body... Like you feel your fingers, your skin, your heart beating...

I am the air you breath. You know if it's cold or warm... You feel me so deep, so even your heart can start beating faster, if I am running...

You blood is inside me, so you know if there are happy or sad emotions dancing inside my cells... You know if I am healthy...

I am your tears. You feel if I am falling down on your cheeks... and you always try to catch every drop, not to crash on the floor.

You know when I am scared or joyful.... when I am weeping or laughing...

I am a part of you, and you are a part of my life. I will never be less grateful, I will never forget what you have done for me... what you are still doing for me...

I love you so much... mom....

Dedicated to all who are in love

Happiness

Happiness is one of the reasons to live!

When you are happy, you want to live longer to create something great and make other people happy too. Upset people are not willing to live at all…

Maybe it is just the result of hormones, but our body really can work better in a state of happiness. Being happy you can also heal serious sicknesses. This feeling makes you be mentally and physically healthy. But if you are sick, and in the same time, frustrated and unhappy, this sickness can destroy you!

To change your mind and start being happy you must work on yourself – try to see the life from the most positive point of view. If you lost something valuable, don’t worry, because somebody will find it and become happier! Sometimes by losing something, we get more in our life, like the universe compensates it to us. Every empty place will definitely be filled with something. If you are unhappy, try to release the problem and feelings connected to it, and this empty space will let happiness to penetrate your mind!

It is like a drug – you enjoy it, and you are kind of addicted to it. If it is a drug, obviously, without it you feel bad. The easiest way how to get the “dose” of happiness is to make somebody else happy!

Be happy and make other people happier! Get one more reason to live healthy!

Art with an inspiration of "Matka Boska Ostrobramska"

New photo session with Mary Bashko:


http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.281592758535117.84724.184797418214652




The idea to mix art with religion came into my mind when I was watching the icon of "Blessed Virgin Mary" - Matka Boska Ostrobramska (origin. Pl.) - (Vilnius, Lithuania, The Baltic States). Originally, this icon was Polish and Catholic, but since years it was moved to Lithuania, where Catholic church still owns it. 
She is so beautiful, with a look of peacefulness...


If you ever have a chance to visit this place, do it without thinking!
This icon changed my life...

My mood...

Family

Family is such an important thing, which you can’t replace in your life with something else. You can’t choose it, but you must take every person there the way they are, because it is something yours, something important just for you!

Once you get them, you have to learn how to be one of them. Your sisters and brothers can be annoying, or vice versa – the best friends of you. Anyway, you have the same blood inside. You must respect them same as yourself.

Your parents are the best what ever happened to you – it is their “fault” that you are walking on the Earth right now… You have them only once, so you’d better help them with everything.

They are getting old, day by day… Just imagine if you lose them tomorrow…

How often you remind them that you love them? How often you say “THANK YOU” for giving you life?

Yes… family is important!

Heart

The heart beating stops when you lose love...

Staying in this condition for long can lead to mental death.

Kiss! And by this kiss let love penetrate inside your blood, and your heart will start to beat again!

Exchange your feelings by kiss! It is so powerful thing... if only you kiss with passion.

mood

Reality

How often it happens to meet the perfect match for life?
Sure, nobody is perfect, but the best match in all cases of relationships - it is not really often...

To understand if the person is "the best", you might check him/her with a lot of questions, or making strange situations to see the reaction.... Or you try the most straight way - start living together.
The best and in the same time the worst thing is to check it while living in the same flat, sharing all free time together, and so on...

The best, cause you have an opportunity to see your partner in different moments, situations, decisions... and if you still think that this is the perfect one, congrats!

The worst, cause if you realized that it is finally NOT the best match, it is kind of too late to talk about - you already live together, and can't just say "bye". Sure, you don't want to hurt him/her, and you start to lie, to cheat, to live "hidden" life...

Is it possible to improve situation, or if it is "NO" option, it is better to "divorce"???

I really think it is possible by reviving love - the only feeling that can bond people.
How?
By finding out what was so pretty in your actions when you just started your relationships, and try to repeat it, or change yourself "back in time". If you care, "listen" to a heart of your partner, do something to make him/her love you more.... or let it be, and be ready to say goodbye.

Two different worlds

Women and Men are from different "planets" - that is true!

Talking about the same thing with the same words we see absolutely different message behind it...
Sometimes it can really hurt one person or even both in relationship.

Men sincerely can't understand how important for women is to talk about feeling, fears, problems. Women can't feel happy if her "love" is not willing to listen her. Yes, sometimes women talk too much, and for men it sounds annoying... But if only men could spend some minutes per day just to ask "honey, how was your day?", "How do you feel?", etc., it would be so much more easier to be happy, smiley, faster at making "house" work with pleasure.... :)))

The huge difference between men and women is that men never talk about their problems or worries. They prefer to "go deeply inside themselves". When they "hide" so deep, it is better to leave them to think it over, and not to talk with them. Just let them be.

With women it is a big problem if they "go inside themselves" - for this they have only two reasons - or they are afraid to say something that can hurt another person, or they are offended...

Without understanding this difference women usually think that men's silence means the same as women's silence, and vice versa. Men think "oh, she is silence now, so it is better to let her stay alone, to solve this problems by herself" - but originally, women "scream out" with this something like "please, do something, talk with me, help me, support me, listen to me, let me feel loved and needed, show me how much you care..." - but sadly, mostly couples break because they "DON'T HEAR EACH OTHER".

As long I am together with my bf, as more I understand that it is a hard work to understand him, to react "normally" when he does something "strange" for me. But sometimes I cry because he can't understand me, and still I am not able to explain everything in "men's language"....

We are so different, but if we want to live whole life together in harmony, we have to learn the language of each other!!!

Yes, I can!

Already more then half a year I live in Germany, but still my German skills are low. I know that I need it, but I have a lot of excuses why I have no time and wish for it right now... Sure, I will learn it - slowly, but I will ! Who knows how much time will be spent on it...

New semester is on (to be precise, two semesters and a half)! I am going to study in two semesters at once, plus some subjects from other semesters, plus German language course! I think that I can do it all, and with good results (I promised myself), but there is one more point I faced for the first time in my life - I started to live with a man...

He is great! Last year, autumn, we started as just friends. Then, studying in the same uni and living in the same city we became a couple. Of course it is just in "two" words, but still... I am sure that we have sincere feelings, we love each other! I don't know who feels more, but I can do everything for him...

Once you met the real love, the greatest person, the best match - you have to "hold" him/her near, not to lose! Because this happens just once a life!!! I seriously mean real LOVE! Yes, only with him I understood what is REAL love, responsibility of feelings, tolerance...

Sure, nobody is perfect... But when two people decided to be together, they go on a lot of concessions - not to hurt each other's feelings,personality, etc. It is important to be careful with another person... Cause in the beginning of any relationship you don't know how this person can react on this or that. It is highly important to "listen" to each other - to notice any change in a mood, to learn aspirations, wishes, and tastes of each other.

Some people just live together, pretending that they know each other and everything is fine... but in the result of this "knowing" they get constant argues, scandals, incomprehensions...break.

Why I am talking about this topic for so long now? I just want to splash out all my emotions and fears about my future!!!!!!!!! Studying a lot (as I expect) + German + "housewife" obligations + huge work to understand who this guy really is... Am I able to deal with this all ??? Can I stay myself after time, or I will totally dissolve in him???

Worries...

Girls and boys have different brain !!!
---------------------------------
You think that everybody is the same?
Ok, look, you can be "away" for some hours being somewhere in a very dangerous place, and your girl is sitting at home and trying to reach you via phone with no reply - do you think this girl can stay calm? No, of course NO ! Every girl having mother instinct and having a boy, starts to behave like "mom", always carrying as much as possible!
Mostly, for you, boys it is no stress if your girl is in the same situation, cause you are sure that she will recall back soon. But try to get on "girls place", and understand the feelings !

But you cant even imagine how big this stress is, when you have no information about how the most important person on the Earth feels right at the moment!

------------------------------------------------------

Guys, PLEASE, always think THE WAY girls think (at least sometimes) - only then you will understand them, and avoid the stressful situations and then you will get the harmony in your relationships! 

Gala - Freed From Desire (lyrics)

My love has got no money He's got his strong beliefs

My love has got no power He's got his strong beliefs

My love has got no fame He's got his strong beliefs

My love has got no money He's got his strong beliefs

Want more and more

People just want more and more

Freedom and love

What he's looking for

Want more and more

People just want more and more

Freedom and love

What he's looking for

Freed from desire Mind and senses purified

Freed from desire Mind and senses purified

Freed from desire Mind and senses purified

Freed from desire

Nanana...

 

life

What is the price of one friendship?
We meet thousand people, we make hundred relationships, we smile, we cry, we find, we lose.... we live our life just to meet one person to be with (friends/more, doesn't matter, just to be). One? yes... real friend, who is sincerely interested in your life. Not to laugh about your faults, but to take care of you when you fall.

Only this person can walk with you on the road of life obstacles to support you! Not whining!!! Of course, this person is near not only in bad moments! To find out who is real friend you just need to be happy, and check if he is happy for you too... Sometimes it's easier to be friends in tough time, but to be truly happy for your win is really hard!

What can you give for a moment of happiness?
We can go through all difficulties to get instant of it. Is this expensive for you?

Being depressed is life norm for me now. I stumbled too much in this life. Too naive for this century. But human nature is more cruel than I usually expect...

Yes, here we go again - Friends.

"Time goes by, but friends stay." - it works, but not always.

I paid a lot in this life to realize the value of real friendship.

Thank You, God, for giving me all I had, to go through everything, to survive, to become more experienced, to understand, to learn, to feel....

Yes! To feel means a lot for me!

I love to feel pain, cause after you can compare it to happiness, and then to be much more happier. More and more...

I love to be happy, cause it's not so often... so, I must catch every happy moment and appreciate it, making a new "idol", to pray on... Yes, to pray on happy moment. To beg this moment to stay for longer...

Have you ever been "unemotional"? You know, it's when you see something beautiful, but you don't want to admire... Or to stay calm when see somebody crying...

Sometimes I am too emotional, but at least I SEE THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD, while you discuss the latest rumours about others.

I don't care if you think I'm insignificant.

WE ALL have own universe inside, but we never wish for exploring ourself and others.... But there are so many interesting and amazing... Just dive into yourself, find something that you will love yourself for... Try to understand WHO YOU ARE, and then, look into your friends.

You think it's enough to look in the eyes to understand the person you talk with?

Noup... Dig deeper.

Sometimes people blind themselves, so even they don't know who they are...

P!NK - LOVE SONG

I've never written a love song 

That didn't end in tears

Maybe you'll rewrite my love song

If you can replace my fears

I need your patience and guidance

And all your lovin' and more

When thunder rolls through my life

Will you be able to weather the storm?

There's so much I would give ya, baby

If I'd only le myself

There's this well of emotions

I feel I must protect

But what's the point of this armour

If it keeps the love away, too?

I'd rather bleed with cuts of love

Than live without any scars

Baby, can I trust this?

Or do all things end?

I need to hear that you'd die for me

Again and again and again

So tell me when you look in my eyes

Can you share all the pain and happy times

'Cause I will love you for the rest of my life

This is my very first love song

That didn't end in tears

I think you re-wrote my love song

For the rest of my years

I will love you for the rest of my Life

So nervous...

After some days my new life will begin... Germany, Stralsund city...

There everything is different than I have now... People with totally different mentality, tastes, LANGUAGE!!!

I will learn German in a very intensive way... It is my target and I know I will achieve it

But one more question... will everything be alright there? Will I be happy there? Will I go through all obstacles holding head high?

God, save us.

pills

Nobody feels your pain,
So stop to cry.
Will you try to gain
Somebody's life?
Somebody's who lived,
And knew what is love.
The love that always lift
You up so high like dove.
Will you stop this noise,
That's making me crazy?
Crazy people always goes
Somewhere to stay lazy...
Laziness is never good.
Need a punch to stay O.K.
Learnt from childhood
How to live your life the way
Angels, Spirits live and ghosts,
With no regrets and feelings...
Try to choose what you need most
To be yourself or same as siblings.
Always try to live YOUR life!
Try to be as hard as stone,
And be ready to get knife
To the spin or to your heart.
Your friend lies to you
As much as you let him.
I hope I lived enough and grew
Enough to start exploit him too.

pff...

Can you imagine, my friends all are singles again....

AGAIN !!!
They find somebody, "love" him/her, creating dream world around, and then again singles.... and then again somebody new..


I still watching from the side. Life is so strange. I can't understand what is going on around. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON ???

 Some time ago I wanted to be "normal", having boyfriend, then husband, children and so on...
I've changed so much... I'm not myself.
What the hell is going on with me, with world ???

Atomship

"It seems the sun is still sleeping and I’m feeling so lonely.
There’s a guy in my bedroom but don’t you worry he’s not breathing."




I feel that it is so..

I found a help in DE

His name is A. Mengel... when I look on his name I see something like "My Angel". He really is !!!
Hard to explain how tender he is, and how responsive he was from the beginning.
Thanks!

SeleniumSun studio

After long pause we revived our project.
Today is a birthday of our page on facebook. You can find adv in my profile, right side.
Go, check, like it.

Happy new year!